The authors of 1001 Things to Love About Military Life asked me if they could reprint a short passage from my first book, Household Baggage: The Moving Life of a Military Wife.  Number 153 in their list was “The humor that rank combined with certain names results in- -Major Payne, Major Major.” They included this excerpt:

“Some Soldiers have the right name for the job. Who better than Chaplain Hart to spread the gospel message of love and forgiveness? There was also a Chaplain Meek, who was destined to inherit the earth.  Once I met Private Love, who was, of all things, a chaplain’s assistant. He and his buddy, Private Eye, couldn’t wait to get promoted because they were sick of all the smart comments. You just can’t make this stuff up“  (Household Baggage, p. 130).

Since I wrote those words, I’ve continued to jot down quirky name/occupation combinations, of which there are an infinite variety from all walks of life. They always amuse. Here are a few of the recent discoveries:

A minister named Reverend Bliss

A Sergeant Major named Hartless

A Soldier named Sergeant Spear

An undertaker named Amen

A butcher named Stump

A Secretary of Education named Dr. Spellings

Dr. Bacon,  Food and Nutritional Science Professor

Dr. Fish, Professor of Oceanography

A pediatrician named Dr. Hurtz

A house painter named Casa

An advertising executive named Mr. Motto

A physician named Dr. Life

A book author named Page

A writer named Prose

A divorce lawyer named Attorney Klaw

A dentist named Dr. Chin

A landscape architect professor named Dr. Green

A football player named Crumpler

An Olympic sprinter named Bolt

A pro hockey coach named Playfair, who was fined for having a hissy fit and smashing two sticks over a referee’s call http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrkR7ih6f3M

Rodney Cutler, a hairstylist

A quilter named Stich

A coach named Trainer

A physician named Dr. Eror (affectionately called “Doc Oops”)

A Navy Admiral named Starr

A Navy Admiral named Shipman

Bob Wheeler, CEO of an RV company

A church secretary named Mrs. Chapell

What funny name/occupation combinations have you heard?

HouseholdBaggage.com blog by Marna Ashburn Krajeski

My insurance company recently sent me their quarterly travel magazine and buried near the back page is a list of ten “forgotten” American Treasures which “deserve more attention than they get.” I’ve been to two ( Ft. Monroe and Harpers Ferry).

Fort Monroe is no longer an active military installation but it has a rich heritage and occupies a picturesque spot on the Chesapeake Bay. Harpers Ferry is a great field trip to learn some hands-on history. If memory serves, there’s a very cute town adjacent to it with lots of antique shops and cozy cafes.

The Ten “Forgotten” American Treasures

1. Harpers Ferry National Historical Park, WV, VA, MD
2. Bishop Hills Colony, Henry County, IL
3. The Illinois and Michigan Canal, IL, MI
4. Sipaulovi Village, Arizona
5. Carhenge, Nebraska
6. Ashley River Historic District, South Carolina
7. Bridge of Lions, Florida
8. Villa Finale, Texas
9. Fort Monroe, Virginia
10. Rosenwald Schools, Across the American South and Southwest

Which ones have you seen? Please enlighten us if you’ve visited some.

I’m not an expert on etiquette. What I am is a researcher who compiled a lot of information about good manners into a concise guide called 64 Easy Answers About Etiquette for the Modern Military Spouse.

A scenario I covered in my book recently received headline-grabbing attention.

            A certain Kennedy scion named Conor received an invitation to his cousin’s wedding but never sent an RSVP. An hour before the event, the Kennedy scion texted the mother-of-the-bride and asked if he could attend and bring his girlfriend, pop star Taylor Swift (who wasn’t included in the original invitation).

            Since the reception was a sit-down dinner planned weeks in advance, and because the mother of the bride felt the singer’s presence would distract attention from the bridal couple, she answered, “Please don’t come.”

            Some reports say Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift attended and were welcomed with open arms.  Other eyewitness accounts contradict this and say they were politely asked to leave.

            Let’s just address the social courtesies involved. First of all, the Kennedy scion blew it by not sending an RSVP. Conventional wisdom dictates that an invitation be responded to within 48 hours if possible. The “RSVP-by” date on the invitation is the absolute latest you should respond, but by all means answer earlier to allow the hosts to arrive at a tentative planning number.

            Now some people say, “How am I supposed to know what I’ll be doing in a month? How can I possibly answer within two days?” That’s what calendars are for. Keep your calendar current (there’s an app for that!) and if there’s a schedule conflict, RSVP “No.” Otherwise, block out the day and date, reply affirmatively, and start pulling your fancy outfit together.

            Secondly, whoever is listed on the invitation is invited. If the inner envelope said “Conor Kennedy and guest” then it’s proper to RSVP (in a timely fashion) with “2 attending.” If no guest is indicated on the invitation, then only the addressee is invited. You can telephone the host to regret, explaining that your girlfriend will be in town and you can’t attend the wedding, giving the host an opportunity to extend an invitation. But the host must do the inviting. In any case, the young Kennedy was wrong to text an hour before the event to ask if his girlfriend could tag along.

 In his defense, he’s only 18 years old, and we could write this behavior off to youthful ignorance. I’m sure he’s not aware of the exhaustive logistics involved in planning a wedding reception.

The teachable moment for all of us is “Be courteous and RSVP.” Adhering to these simple social standards helps prevent gaffes and hurt feelings.

HouseholdBaggage.com blog by Marna Ashburn Krajeski, 8/12.

With the opening of the 2012 Summer Olympics on Friday, I wondered if there were any US Army Olympians. A quick Google search revealed that there are eleven Soldiers competing this year.

While there is one Sergeant entered in the race walking and a Specialist in the Modern Pentathlon, most of them are competing in the wrestling and riflery/pistolry events. Over half of the US Olympic shooting team has military ties.

The athletes come from diverse Military Occupational Specialties such as Infantryman, Motor Transport Operator, Fire Direction Specialist, and Quartermaster.

They’ve been training at the Army’s World Class Athlete Program headquartered outside Colorado Springs, CO. The Army’s Olympic athlete program is supported by non-appropriated funds with contributions from the National Guard.

Go to this link for a complete listing, short bios, and photographs of the Olympians. http://www.goarmy.com/events/army-athletes/army-olympians.html/

While researching for my ebook, 64 Easy Answers About Etiquette for the Modern Military Spouse, I read the US Flag Code for the first time. I discovered there’s a lot about the proper display of the American Flag that I didn’t know, and judging by other missteps I’ve seen, the same is true for a lot of Americans.

The US Flag Code is intended to be a set of codified guidelines for the proper display of the flag, but it doesn’t impose penalties for misuse. The code is worthwhile reading for all citizens. It’s available on the internet and Cornell University Law School maintains an online reference.  

Today (June 14) is Flag Day, so I thought I’d present some highlights from the code. For example, the flag should only be displayed from sunrise to sunset. It can be displayed at night if there’s proper lighting. Immediately after 9/11, I displayed my flag at all hours, but I installed a flood light in the yard to illuminate it at night.

Likewise, you shouldn’t fly the flag in inclement weather unless it’s an all-weather flag. The weather is iffy today, so if it starts raining, I’ll take the flag inside. Leaving the flag out at all times leads to a faded, torn flag, like this.

When it gets this way, it’s no longer a fitting emblem for display and should be destroyed in a dignified manner. The American Legion or the local Boy Scout Troop can assist with the ceremonial burning.

“No flag or pennant should be placed above the flag of the United States.” One time we saw a Red Sox pennant flying above the flag on the same pole, in front of a church of all places. Big No-No.

Sometimes the flag is displayed vertically against a wall. If you do it this way, rather than on a staff, the union (the blue part with stars) should always be uppermost and to the observer’s left. If displayed in a window, the union should be in the upper left when viewed from the street. This may seem counter-intuitive, because if it’s horizontal, and you just rotate the flag ninety degrees so it’s vertical, then the union is in the upper right. However, this is incorrect, and a customer of mine at a book signing once politely pointed out to me that one of the flags on my table was displayed improperly. Thanks for the on-the-spot correction.

“The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.” It should go without saying, but it’s highly improper to drape yourself in the American flag. It still happens. Check out this cringe-worthy photo of Kid Rock during the Super Bowl half-time show. He cut a slit in the flag to make this poncho, then tossed it into the crowd during the show.

 Those of us who are old enough remember this 1990 “Rock the Vote” announcement with Madonna in which she wrapped herself in the American Flag.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFGlE44xuTs

But what about a representation of the flag imprinted on textiles? Even this is considered disrespectful, which means Old Navy flag t-shirts, a man’s tie with flags on it, and the matching 4^th of July outfits I made for my kids when they were toddlers violated the Code.

The only representation of the flag permissible to wear is a flag patch affixed to the uniform of military personnel, fire fighters, police officers, and members of patriotic organizations. “The lapel flag pin, being a replica, can be worn on the left lapel near the heart.”

The Flag Code prohibits the use of markings or advertisement on a flag or representation of the flag. When we get to this part of the code, things become really uncomfortable, because I see this done all the time, like at the gun shop in my town

 and the Newport Dinner Train

The flag code is clear on this–”The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever.” 

The flag can be displayed everyday, but the specific days the flag should be flown are:
New Year’s Day, January 1
Inauguration Day, January 20
Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, third Monday in January
Lincoln’s Birthday, February 12
Washington’s Birthday, third Monday in February
Easter Sunday (variable)
Mother’s Day, second Sunday in May
Armed Forces Day, third Saturday in May
Memorial Day (half-staff until noon), the last Monday in May
Flag Day, June 14
Father’s Day, third Sunday in June
Independence Day, July 4
National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day, July 27
Labor Day, first Monday in September
Constitution Day, September 17
Columbus Day, second Monday in October
Navy Day, October 27
Veterans Day, November 11
Thanksgiving Day, fourth Thursday in November
Christmas Day, December 25
Other days as may be proclaimed by the President of the United States
The birthdays of States (date of admission)
State holidays.

For more information, see the US Flag Code available online. All passages in quotation marks were taken from USC: Title 4–Flag and Seal, Seat of Government, and the State.

Today is also the 237th Birthday of the United States Army. Happy Birthday! Take a look at the official messages on youtube.com.

For years I’ve said that people bond around food, and now a military wife is proving it in a big way.

Leave it to a family named “Smiley” to make the best of a year-long deployment. Since January, I’ve enjoyed reading about “Dinner with the Smileys,” a project begun by Navy wife Sarah Smiley and her three sons, Ford (11), Owen (9), and Lindell (5). While their dad, Dustin, is deployed for thirteen months, they’re inviting a new guest from their community in Maine to join them for dinner once a week.

The boys drew up a “dream team” guest list, which included Stephen King, President Obama, and Jill Biden, wife of the vice-president (who regretted with a hand-written note). The inaugural guest of “Dinner with the Smileys” was their senator, Susan Collins (R-Maine), who brought brownies for dessert.

Soon after, the weekly parade of guests included their minister, the mayor of Bangor, the police chief, and the coach and two members of the University of Maine hockey team. The plan is to host a teacher once a month, and so far they’ve had all of the boys’ teachers over for dinner.

Ice cream sundaes with Owen’s third-grade teacher. (Photo courtesy of www.AndreaHand.com.)

They’ve also dined with a cancer survivor and the director of the local soup kitchen, who gave them a tour of the facility beforehand. Sarah hopes to engage her sons in the community in enriching ways.

“Another goal is to provide role models for my sons,” said Sarah. “Each week, through the dinners, the boys are introduced to someone new in the community. That ’someone’ is a person who can help them while their dad is away. By building one-on-one connections between my children and other adults around them, I’ve created a caring community in the absence of their dad.”

Take a look at the most recent dinner with Congressman Mike Michaud, and you can see the touching bonds that develop between guests and the Smiley boys. They accompanied the Congressman to a local veterans’ cemetery to place flags on the headstones for Memorial Day.

          Two of the Smiley boys with Congressman Mike Michaud (D-Maine). (Photo courtesy of www.AndreaHand.com.)

           Sarah says dinners are casual with dishes such as lasagna, tacos, baked chicken, or spaghetti served family style.

            When I asked her about the most surprising thing, she said, “Each dinner is absolutely different from the one before it. I worried that things would become monotonous. Quite the opposite! Each dinner has its very own ‘feel’ to it. Some are serious and full of questions and learning. Some are funny, with laughs and jokes. Some are full of games and music and fun. I never know what to expect. And that is part of the fun.”

To record the fun, Sarah teamed up with talented local photographer Andrea Hand, although it’s more appropriate to call Ms. Hand a photojournalist because she’s a visual storyteller. Her candid photographs radiate the personality of the event, as well as capture the calm mother at the emotional heart of it all. I’d say Andrea Hand has a touch of the divine in her lens.

 Peek-a-boo with the Police Chief. (Photo courtesy of www.AndreaHand.com.)

            I applaud Sarah for pulling off this ambitious effort with such grace. During deployments, I was famous for swinging through Taco Bell or picking up the $5 pizza from Domino’s for dinner, anything to make it easier to get through that difficult time. Not only is it lonely, but you’re frazzled at the end of the day from finishing up soccer/piano/scouts, and you still have to fix dinner, eat, clean up, supervise homework, baths, reading, and tuck-ins. It’s exhausting. I was in survival mode. Sarah has transformed what could be a perfunctory, lets-get-through-this ordeal into a rich, meaningful, and memory-making event.

Although I’ve never met Sarah in person, it feels like we’ve been friends a long time via our email exchanges and shared experiences. She writes the syndicated column “Shore Duty,” and is also the author of two books, Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife and I’m Just Saying, a compilation of her columns. She was kind enough to submit a story for Household Baggage Handlers, the anthology of stories by military wives which I edited.

Visit her website, www.SarahSmiley.com, to learn more. You can follow “Dinner With the Smileys” and see the wonderful photographs by “liking” their Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/DinnerWithTheSmileys. There are also plans to shape this project into a book.

            The Smiley family has inspired others to start their own “Smiley Project” by inviting people over for dinner. For my take on this, visit GreatGetTogethers.com.

Marna Ashburn Krajeski also blogs at TheHangingIndent.com and GreatGetTogethers.com.

The “40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge” of 2012 officially ended for me on Saturday at the Community Yard Sale. Here I am minding the store, hip pack clamped on for hands-free transacting.

I debated about going to all the trouble of sorting and pricing my booty from the 40 Day Challenge, but in the end I decided to donate the clothes and sell everything else.

For the minor inconvenience of slapping pre-printed price tags on my household baggage, I had a fun morning interacting with customers, friends, and neighbors, and I managed to earn a nice cash windfall. Not bad for a few hours of work.

It was beautiful weather for the Annual Earth Day Yard Sale. Held right outside the high school, the event brings in plenty of curious shoppers. For only $15, I rented a table which they delivered and set up for me.

Once again I was reminded what a wonderful institution those yard sales are. I put my unwanted junk on a table and someone excitedly picks it up and says “I’ve been looking for a _____” (fill in the blank with floor lamp, plastic ficus plant, pewter pitcher, silver-plated tray, wooden crate, chafing dish, foot locker, or monkeypod salad bowl). It happened many times that morning.

At the noon hour, the Big Brothers/Big Sisters van pulled up and we loaded our unsold items into the truck. I admit I had a hard time saying good-bye to our baby stroller. It’s 22 years old, and I logged hundreds of miles pushing my two kids in it. As a toddler, this six-foot tall guy used to insist I roll him through every mud puddle.

The final tally: 40 Bags in 40 Days. The result: a terrific sense of satisfaction, release, and accomplishment.

Marna Ashburn Krajeski is the author of HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE: The Moving Life of a Military Wife, and HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE HANDLERS: 56 Stories From the Hearts and Lives of Military Wives. She also blogs at www.TheHangingIndent.com and www.GreatGetTogethers.com.

Skip on over to Green Momster, a great site by a friend of mine. I wrote a guest blog with detailed instructions on how to make your own reusable produce bags!

Much like the Sailor Kissing the Nurse, there are iconic photographs that touch our hearts. When I saw this picture posted on Facebook by a high school friend, I felt it was one of those powerful and precious images. Cyndi graciously agreed to let me re-post it on my blog.

This is Cyndi’s nephew Cole and his girlfriend, Ariel, saying goodbye at the airport before they both depart to Army basic training. Ariel’s going to Ft. Jackson, SC to become a Human Resource Specialist, and Cole’s attending Infantry basic at Ft. Benning, GA. They’re both 20 years old.

That passionate embrace juxtaposed with the backpacks and the little leg kick makes it so endearing and poignant. Dubbed the “See You Later Kiss,” this photograph captures a profound mixture of youthful exuberance, sadness, love, beginnings, and selfless service.

Here’s wishing them the best in all they do.

(Photo by Cyndi Villegas of Villegas Distinctive Imagery.)

Marna Ashburn Krajeski is the author of HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE: The Moving Life of a Military Wife, and HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE HANDLERS: 56 Stories From the Hearts and Lives of Military Wives. She also blogs atwww.TheHangingIndent.com and www.GreatGetTogethers.com.

1. My printer cost $100, but two ink cartridges (color and B&W) cost $53. What? I noticed printer ink is now kept in theft deterrent acrylic boxes that have to be removed by the cashier. How much is the mark-up on ink? Congress should investigate because the American people are getting hustled.
2. I saw an unsecured shopping cart roll across a windy parking lot and smash into an Audi (too far away for me to stop). It’s just good manners to return your cart to the corral so this doesn’t happen.
3. No, Rite-Aid Drugstore, I don’t want to sign up for a Rite Card so you can track all my purchases. If I can’t get the discount on the item without having a Rite Card, I just won’t buy it.

Marna Krajeski is the author of HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE: The Moving Life of a Military Wife, and HOUSEHOLD BAGGAGE HANDLERS: 56 Stories From the Hearts and Lives of Military Wives. She also blogs at www.TheHangingIndent.com and www.GreatGetTogethers.com.