The Chronicles of Marna

Earth Day 2010 coincided with me reading the book A Life Stripped Bare: My Year Trying to Live Ethically by Leo Hickman, a London journalist who accepts the challenge to take a step back from his “daily habits and consumer choices to understand their true impact.”

Like this self-effacing family guy, I’m not crazy-reckless with resources, but I have room for improvement. My children and I already compost kitchen waste, recycle paper, glass, and plastic, recharge batteries, carry groceries in canvas totes, grow a vegetable garden, and slurp water from #2 refillable sports bottles. I turn off the faucet when I brush my teeth and switch off lights as I leave the room (residual habits from the ’70s). My monthly bills and invoices come to me as e-statements, and I pay them online. I’ve used the same family computer and cell phone since 2004. When possible, I bike to the market or hardware store and carry my purchases home in a dorky handlebar basket, much to the chagrin of my teenagers.

Having read Hickman’s book, I’m inspired to make a few more commitments to ethical living. I’m going to unplug the television and cell phone charger when we’re not using them to save electricity. Today I inquired about purchasing a half share of Community Supported Agriculture, and I’ll start buying milk and eggs from local dairy farmers. I still plan to get household staples at the commissary, but I’ll read labels more carefully so we use earth-friendly cleaners, soap, and toilet paper. I’ll install a clothesline in the back yard (as my daughter recommended a year ago) and patronize the Saturday farmers’ market, which is conveniently located within walking distance of our (modest) home.

Small, simple steps in my Earth Day pledge to live more thoughtfully and less wastefully.

To celebrate the premier of “Army Wives” Season 4 tomorrow (Sunday, April 11 at 10 pm on  LifetimeTV), I’ve compiled six real-life Army stories that you’ll never see on the series. Some happened to me; some happened to others, but they’re all absolutely true.

1. Welcome to the Neighborhood-While in the backyard of the commander’s house for a summer cook-out, you reach for your can of Coca-Cola. Unknown to you, a wasp had taken up residence in the sugary beverage. When you tip back the can for a sip, the surprised wasp stings your top lip. (such a sensitive spot…you know how swollen those bites can get…not enough Benadryl in the world.)

2. Can’t Get Out of There Fast Enough-Having ducked into the PX to pick up a few items, you manage to see about everyone you know. You’re walking through the aisles with several  embarrassing but necessary items in your basket–let’s say hair dye and tampons–and you manage to run into everyone you know, including the general’s wife, who insists on having a nice long conversation with you.

3. Would You Like to Super-size That Drink? You have about one nerve left after an exhausting cross-country drive. At the end of a long move-in day, you’re sitting at a restaurant with a cranky four year old and a crying infant. Your husband hands the baby to you over the table instead of off to the side like he should. The baby’s foot catches on the quart-sized tumbler of iced tea and the entire contents dump into your lap. What happens next? (Hint: It’s not pretty.)

4. Potty Mouth-You have your three year old son in the shopping cart at the commissary. Dad is an Infantry company commander and the wee one has been privy to plenty of salty conversations between soldiers. You didn’t know the little guy was actually absorbing the lingo until you maneuver around a corner and accidentally broadside another cart. “Where the f*ck are you going?” your precious toddler yells at the silver-haired grandma.

5. Pass the Stuffed Mushrooms-Funny thing in the Army is that family physicians are considered to be part of a battalion so they attend all the unit social functions. Yes, that means you can be sitting across the banquet table sharing an appetizer and making small talk with the doctor who, just last week, either delivered your baby or completed your annual GYN exam or treated you for a yeast infection. (Try to act casual.)

6. He Took it Out of Context -A First Sergeant is out with his four-year old and runs into some of his buddies from work.  One guy asks, “Is this your son?” and the man answers in a joking macho way, “His mama says he is.” A few days later, the first sergeant and his son are talking to the chaplain after services. “Is this your daddy?” the chaplain asks the boy. “Mama says he is,” replies the four year old.

What about you? Do you have any gems you’re brave enough to share?

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